Dear Valued Canada Revenue Agency & B. C. Hydro:
As the underwriters of your avarice, your feedback is important to us. We are constantly seeking new and innovative ways in which to improve our ability to feed your pimped-out lifestyle. Kindly take a few moments to tell us how we’re doing.
1) Since the introduction of the Temporary War Measures Income Tax Act which funnels the futures of children into military adventures, impoverishes parents and funds the welfare of the non-taxpaying collateral damage while you bloat yourselves and govern via Twitter from a First Class airplane seat en route to sign international treaties; are you:
A) Vaguely disappointed
B) Experiencing vestigial guilt
C) Spiritually numb
D) Mostly unaware
E) Secretly contemptuous
F) True to your nature
G) Happier than a pig in shit
H) Late for your one o'clock Mani-Pedi
2) Since the forced by stealth introduction of the Smart Meter; do you:
A) Even remember the abundance of cheap hydro electricity your nation used to enjoy
B) Ever grin at people struggling to stay on the Step One rates threshold
C) Expect anyone to believe that their austerity will save the earth
D) Wonder why effective solar panel systems are priced beyond our reach
E) Experience an increase in sleeplessness and headaches
F) Enjoy reading by weak yellow or blue light
G) Know who your fridge is talking to
H) Relish the thought of a lithium battery powered car on Canadian highways in Winter
Thanks for participating in this short survey. Results will be tabulated (trust us) and published as part of the first follow-up Rand Style survey questionnaire preamble so as to convince you that everything is unfolding exactly as you yourself and your like minded fellows wish.
A recent find was made at the ruins of Leptis Magna, 130 km east of Tripoli at present day Khoms. There where the Wadi Labdah meets the sea at a spot that has seen Carthaginian, Roman, Vandal, Berber, Arab, Italian and Byzantine inhabitants come and go; was found a most curious tablet. The artifact was discovered by an eleven year old Korean lad who was visiting the ruins along with his parents and siblings.
A scholarly examination of the large fragment has revealed that it likely dates from the period of Vandal rule of the city, namely the mid-fifth century AD. It was happened upon by the boy while he walked the Via that runs inland from the Serapaeum to the Market.
Some of the text is illegible and a portion is missing but several of the linguists attempting to decipher it agree that some of the words appear indeed to be Vandalic. Unknown Gothic scholar, Wilbur Plumcrease was chosen unanimously by a bored seven to undertake the English translation of what remains of the treasure. The scholars, save three, agree that this bit of archaeological belly-button lint may best be described as an example of fifteen-hundred year old satire. The author of the document, say those five scholars, appears to be poking fun at the Roman legal customs that preceded the city's conquest by Gaiseric. The remaining trio contend that it is an uncommonly feeble attempt by a non-Latin literate author to forge a legal document. The fact that in the name of Rome, Belisarius recaptured the city in 534 AD lends credibility to their dissenting opinion. Here below is the Plumcrease Translation.